You say I broke your heart, but don't you know it was mutual.

Life goes on, days go by, and wounds heal ever so slowly.

Don't you know it hurt me too, but one day I'll be okay,

One day I'll say "I'm completely over him" and it'll be the truth.

You no longer have this control over me.
Hope you're as happy as I am!
~The End.

Day 1 of Not Speaking, How the hell am I going to get through this? 53.

As I take a walk through this faraway town, now separated from you by more than just distance,
I see that I need more than hope and silly dreams, But rather I need resilience.
 It's funny how love can come and love can grow, but in the end it's not enough,
People break down, attitudes change when things get awfully rough.

We all want to feel like we have control of our lives,
Of what we gain and what we lose
Of when we hurt and when we thrive,
We all want to have control of our lives,
So pain does not arise.

~Vanessa Pavelock
(No longer really counting down, just finishing what I started)

54 Days.

Will you be there at the end,

Ready to love again?

~Vanessa Pavelock

I am so tired, but I cannot sleep. It's funny how you think you're so set in what you want, until you finally realize what you've gotten yourself into, or in this case out of. I'm done. I'm fed up. I'm so much better off. You can try to convince yourself all you like-- you may even start to really believe it, but then in the blink of an eye he's gone. He's done. He's  fed up. He's better off. Just when you've begun to think your mind was set on leaving, your heart steps in and all good sense is lost with the wind-- but it's too late, you've scared him off. You, with your controlling personality, your indecisiveness, your pettiness, have shown him that he is better off without you.

You begin to think, why did I act this way, this is not who I am. You know you've become exactly what you said you wouldn't. I would never make my boyfriend live his life a certain way. I trust him. But somewhere down the line, trust wasn't enough. You began developing the fear that although he is a good person, he may begin seeing my flaws and fall out of love with me. He may find someone better than I am or someone that won't turn into this monster. You start thinking why would he love me? I am nothing special. You drive yourself crazy with thought.

How the hell did I get to this point. I've made 1000 mistakes or more. I've convinced myself that I am better off without you, and in a single moment my mind completely changed. My heart can't sit by and watch me go without a fight-- my heart can't seem to let me give up on the love of my life.

55 Days.

Joy, fear, surprise, sadness,
disgust, anger, anticipation.
You made me feel, you made me fall,
But at the end of the day, I feel love most of all.
~Vanessa Pavelock


(I don't know why I'm still counting down, I'm pathetic.)

56 Days.

We can catch a million fireflies,
But in the end you have to set them free,
Because a light can't shine quite as bright,
When it's trapped inside a jar.
~Vanessa Pavelock

57 Days.

A thousand hits can't keep you down, 

If you care enough to fight back.

A thousand words can make you frown,

But in the end one smile can bring triumph.  

~Vanessa Pavelock