54 Days.

Will you be there at the end,

Ready to love again?

~Vanessa Pavelock

I am so tired, but I cannot sleep. It's funny how you think you're so set in what you want, until you finally realize what you've gotten yourself into, or in this case out of. I'm done. I'm fed up. I'm so much better off. You can try to convince yourself all you like-- you may even start to really believe it, but then in the blink of an eye he's gone. He's done. He's  fed up. He's better off. Just when you've begun to think your mind was set on leaving, your heart steps in and all good sense is lost with the wind-- but it's too late, you've scared him off. You, with your controlling personality, your indecisiveness, your pettiness, have shown him that he is better off without you.

You begin to think, why did I act this way, this is not who I am. You know you've become exactly what you said you wouldn't. I would never make my boyfriend live his life a certain way. I trust him. But somewhere down the line, trust wasn't enough. You began developing the fear that although he is a good person, he may begin seeing my flaws and fall out of love with me. He may find someone better than I am or someone that won't turn into this monster. You start thinking why would he love me? I am nothing special. You drive yourself crazy with thought.

How the hell did I get to this point. I've made 1000 mistakes or more. I've convinced myself that I am better off without you, and in a single moment my mind completely changed. My heart can't sit by and watch me go without a fight-- my heart can't seem to let me give up on the love of my life.